Can I just be honest—it’s worse than I thought

& What it’s like living in the new America

Can you believe what’s happened in just over a week—more than 7,000 arrests of migrants, a slew of executive orders, the freezing of federal funds for life-saving programs, an attempt to end birthright citizenship, and a FAFO declaration on social media? I complained into the phone to a friend, believing I had a sympathetic ear on the other end—who knew you could do all this? 

“I don’t agree with all of it, but I do agree with some.” “Like what?!” I asked incredulously. What could you possibly agree with? I hoped she could hear the disgust rising in my voice. 

The answer I received was shocking. At once, it made me realize just how cataclysmic the shift from “we” to “me” has been over the last decade and how it has accelerated in recent years.

We have moved away from care and consideration for others and a belief in a common good towards a more individualistic, “what’s in it for me” or “not my tribe, not my problem” culture fueled by fear and the need for self-preservation.

As it turned out, my friend agreed with Donald Trump’s deportation plan. She parroted a popular talking point about coming to the U.S. the “right way” and taking away resources from her (which resources she could not explain when I probed). Besides, no one she knew would be impacted by the raids or arrests. Who cares?

Earlier that same morning, during a similar “WTF is happening" conversation, I sparred with a friend who works for a leading progressive organization about birthright citizenship (the Constitution didn’t guarantee it, she said). For the record, it does.

Regarding the freeze on Federal funds, she surmised that while some people might disapprove, he had some authority to do it. As a Black upper-middle-class professional, she and her family would be fine. She wasn’t concerned.

Needless to say, I was having a terrible, no good, very bad day. 

Welcome to the New America

As horrified as I was by my conversations, the despairing reality is that a large segment of the population—over 77 million, to be exact—is cheering for what’s happening, if not ignoring it. Others are conflicted or have internalized “not like us” messages of division and the rhetoric of scarcity—the idea that someone or some group has taken what rightfully belongs to me or that there’s not enough to go around. 

 The new America is a cruel, Hobbesian nightmare. And Donald Trump is its poster boy.

He is the embodiment of the dark undertow of “me first, me only,” “what’s in it for me,” and “inflict harm upon anyone who does not think, feel, or live as I do” that is now baked into our society and politics. And so are the people who surround him and seek to advance his agenda. 

The penultimate goal is for all of us to think and behave this way.

Because when we do, we are more likely to turn away, ignore, or explain away all the bad things happening or that are undoubtedly coming our way.  We are also less likely to connect, find common ground, or fight back. In other words, we will have allowed it. 

What does this have to do with Women’s Rights? Let me tell you.

In this past election, Trump won in four states-- Arizona, Missouri, Nevada, and Montana--that passed abortion protections. In each of these four states, at least 50 percent of white women voted for Trump while also casting a ballot to protect their right to access abortion care. Most pundits chalked it up to cognitive dissonance (women voting against their own interests). However, I saw it differently. 

White women in Arizona, Missouri, Nevada, and Montana did vote in their self-interest. They wanted what Trump was peddling—mass deportation, rolling back diversity and inclusion initiatives, and a pledge to strip away the rights of Blacks, Latinos, and LGBTQIA individuals on day one—while also wanting to ensure their bodily autonomy and access to abortion care were protected.

Their vote wasn’t necessarily about ensuring all women had access to abortion care, just that they (white women) did – there’s a difference. 

The above example and the conversation with my two friends have shown me that I must ask rather than assume alignment and a shared understanding of the issues that matter most to me, especially now. It’s not a given. 

I must also be willing to challenge, require more from, and engage with those I love and work alongside and those I don’t in a way that steers us toward greater connection and a return to our shared humanity.  

Related to the hard work ahead of us and our ability to fight back, it also helps to know who's all in and who is not. 

 What we’re up against

If anything, these last ten days have shown that no tactic or strategy is too inhumane, low-ball, or off-limits for the Administration to deploy to force compliance, destabilize communities, organizations, and families, stoke fear, or make us feel as if what is to come is inevitable—it’s not.  

The federal funding freeze–a test of might and the reach of Trump’s authority–was reversed about 48 hours after it was announced because of us. We must continue to demonstrate courage, might, and unwillingness to yield the terrible attempts to “do us dirty” or make us feel as if we don’t belong here–we do. 

So, let’s double down on our commitment to progress–whatever that looks like for you. Rest when you need to, but get back out there; now is not the time to disengage or turn away. A better tomorrow begins with big and small acts of connection and defiance. We must also say NO loudly, publicly, and often so that others know they are not alone. 

Lastly, let’s continue to ask as late and great Cecile Richards often did: When there was so much at stake for our country, what did you do?  Let’s do what needs to be done.