Please Don’t Ask Me to March
I'm short on answers, but I do have some thoughts
A march on the eve of Donald Trump’s installment as President seems like an odd, if not inadequate, response to the predicament women and feminists now find themselves in following the election. We have lost twice, this time worse than the first.
As far as I can tell, there will be no woman President in the United States now or in the foreseeable future, and a significant chunk of women are OK with that. Men, young and old, have also stated their preferences. This is not hyperbole meant to inspire action or to whip up anger or rage—it’s the hard truth.
It’s clear: not all women see eye-to-eye or want the same things. I knew this, but lately, and since the election, I have been absorbing it differently.
Living in a Bubble of My Own Making
As a feminist, I believed I knew what women wanted: equality, freedom, choices, and a life free from harm and harassment—simple enough. I also thought we wanted power, a meaningful career, sexual freedom, autonomy, a marriage of equals, and a say in how society functions—even if some of us never acknowledged or admitted it. It turns out I was wrong—at least partially.
I have come to accept that many women are perfectly fine with the order of things. Regardless of who is in office, their lives will remain the same. For them, there is nothing a woman in power can do for them that their husbands or men in power can’t.
Some even resent the notion that feminists think they are suffering from some patriarchal coma or psychosis, hindering their ability to join us in solidarity. It’s just not the case. They don’t want to join us.
Republican women were never going to go into the booth and secretly vote for Kamala Harris. I was delusional or perhaps to hopped up on rally size and joy to realize it would never happen.
They are also tired of our talk of freedom and equality—so much so that they have created an entire social and cultural movement focused on returning women to “traditional” roles and their “rightful” place in society—the home. Trad wives and stay-at-home girlfriends are all the rage, offering an alternative to younger women who believe achieving equality is either unattainable or exceedingly difficult.
It's also true that a good majority of Americans don’t want my daughter or your daughter to become President—ever. And young women know this. They have also seen our lives—all the struggling and juggling—and wonder if it is worth it. I don’t blame them. I wonder sometimes, too.
As a movement, we find ourselves in a moment of crisis and heightened backlash with no obvious path forward. The progress we thought was underway has stalled. The anger and rage we believed we were harnessing have revealed themselves as ambivalence. Those women—and even some men—who we thought were on our side were not. Ouch.
Herein lies our predicament: What to do with this newfound awareness? How might it shape our strategies, efforts, and resource investments?
I don’t have many answers, but I do have some thoughts.
We Should Take a Beat
The sheer number of emails I have received over the last couple of weeks, declaring shock, outrage, confusion, or a willingness to fight another day, has been overwhelming and enough to trigger a junk mail warning. This is on top of the stupor I’ve been in since the election results were confirmed. We need to take a collective beat. Now is not the time to act.
After any big defeat, the impulse is to act or do something drastic to mitigate the loss. We need a pause to figure out what went wrong—and really, really bad. We don’t know that yet. We need experts outside our circles of influence and connection who can offer new perspectives and analysis.
Stillness, reflection, and deliberation can be very beneficial during times of uncertainty and chaos. No sound or worthwhile strategy has ever emerged in haste, without clarity, or while operating in fear, and this moment is no different.
Let’s Stop Being Delulu and start getting to the Solulu
Delulu, short for delusional, is what we’ve been for years, believing we’d win BIG soon. We haven’t. We have suffered catastrophic losses over the last several years, this election being one in a string of many, and it’s time we got honest about that.
We have been running the same playbook, using the same strategies and tactics, and losing. Yes, we have some wins, but only a few. This election has shown just how outdated our strategy and thinking have been. We got our asses handed to us, and we didn’t see it coming (some claim they did). Our strategies and tactics should reflect our new reality.
We need fresh, out-of-the-box thinking and (new) leaders willing to take risks and break with the pack.
Think Bigger than the Fight
The fight to fend off what’s coming feels immediate and necessary, but articulating a bold and unifying vision is more important than the fight. A vision allows us to create an offensive strategy that will enable us to realize our vision for a more just and equitable society. We can’t fight or defend our way to it.
We need offensive strategies rooted in possibility, our hopes and dreams, and our desires for our families, communities, and society. We need to fight on our terms and define the agenda.
If We Must March
If we must march, let it not be because we don’t know what else to do. Let it not be because we want to demonstrate to others that we voted the right way or we’re trying to create a moment. We don’t have time for superficial gestures or resource drains. There’s too much work to be done.
If we must march, let it be because it is part of a larger strategy or because we have a set of demands to be met, unity, or a vision to share. Right now, we don’t have any of that. I am optimistic, though, that we will get there.
**Note: I’ll be on holiday from December 20th through January 3rd with my circus of seven. During this time, I will not be publishing the Newsletter.