Should you join the 4B movement?
Flirting with an idea whose time should never come.
I love flirting with an idea whose time has come. It’s the notion that ideas that are right for the present moment can be more powerful than anything that opposes it. Think of the automobile or the birth control pill. The latter allowed women to separate sex from procreation and ushered in the sexual revolution. The 4B movement out of South Korea is not one of those grand ideas.
Post-election, younger women desperate for answers and an immediate solution flocked to social media to declare they were joining the 4B movement. Like so many of us, they were disillusioned by the election results, the backslide in progress for women, and the widening gender chasm between men and women.
Close to 50 percent of younger men voted for Donald Trump. It’s hard enough to date these days without wondering if the person sitting across the table is plotting to take away your rights. Is he an incel, a feminist, or neither—who’s to know!
This combination of angst, anger, and a bubble of curiosity has spawned dozens of articles about the 4B movement’s viability in the U.S. I was even asked to comment on one. I had to get up to speed quickly. Here’s my take and what I’ve learned.
A Pea of a Movement
A relatively young effort and primarily conceived online, Feminists in South Korea formed the 4B movement in response to gender-based violence, misogyny in the media, and state-sanctioned pro-natal policies that incentivize birth. They, too, were fed up.
The Four Principles of the 4B Movement: Say No to Men and Babies
The four core tenets of the 4B movement are (1) No marrying men, (2) No dating men, (3) No sex with men, and (4) no giving birth. The idea is that women can leverage their man and child-free existence into social and political power by refusing the expectations of motherhood, marriage, and child-rearing. This is hardcore. I’m queer, and the four tenets seem extreme even to me.
More importantly, though, the principles are misguided. They assume women’s power rests almost exclusively in their sexuality or their wombs and that by weaponizing or withholding both, they can achieve equality or systems change. If that were all it took, we’d all be President or running Fortune 500 companies. But it’s simply not the case.
The 4B Movement doesn’t pass the hooks test
Whenever I consider engaging, attending an event, or committing to an effort in the name of feminism, I ask myself: Would bell hooks consider this feminism or a feminist act?
The 4B movement would be a no for her.
Hooks defines feminism as the struggle to end sexist oppression. It doesn’t benefit any specific group of women or privilege women over men. It’s also not a lifestyle or ready-made identity or role one can step into.
While the 4B movement began with earnest intentions, its fodder and engagement in the U.S. feel performative, exclusionary, and rigid. It also feels reactionary. To join the movement, the rules and choices are clear—women in, men out.
The U.S. is not South Korea. South Korea is a fairly homogeneous country—96 percent of its citizens identify as Korean—and a very traditional country with strict norms and values related to gender and sexuality. The U.S. and South Korea have very different histories and couldn’t be further apart in terms of women’s rights and movements. The U.S. women’s movement is imperfect, but we have done much work. The 4B movement would ignore that work and the lessons we have learned along the way.
It also fails to consider how class, race, ethnicity, queerness, gender identity, or other markers of difference may be impacting an individual’s experience in society. The 4B movement is a strict binary.
Is it a gender war or gender backlash?
Sixty-three percent of younger white men voted for Donald Trump, with only 35 percent breaking for Kamala Harris. And close to 35 percent of young Black and Latino men voted for Trump. Given Trump’s position on critical issues like reproductive rights, his civil liability for sexual assault, and his toxic views on women, some younger women may view younger men’s vote as an extension of how they feel about women. I’d be giving them the side-eye, too.
However, to be clear, we are not in the beginning stages of a gender war or battle of the sexes.
Women are not fighting with men or engaged in some battle of the sexes. We’re too busy raising kids, caretaking for our elderly parents, making ends meet on less than .84 cents on the dollar, being gaslit at work, fighting off harassment online, trying to save democracy, and everything else in between. We’re tired.
For several years, we have been experiencing an intense and sustained backlash against women’s progress, gains in the workforce and society, independence, and claims to power. We’ve seen this before, following the 1973 Roe v. Wade ruling and the feminist and civil rights movements’ demands for equality.
There is a well-worn playbook for keeping women in their place and maintaining the power hierarchy. The anti-gender movement is robust, well-funded and spreading, and working as intended. The 4B movement is not the answer to the global dehumanization of women and the stripping away of their rights. It is a retreat.
I get it.
We’re looking for answers, big ideas, and a way forward. The 4B movement is not the answer. It’s a red herring and a distraction. It’s not a viable response to the feeling of powerlessness that has enveloped many of us since the election and even before.
I am for putting all of the ideas on the table. Let’s kick them around and test them out. It’s the only way to determine what will work and surface the sparkiest ideas and strategies. The battle at hand is not one between the sexes but one of justice–and it’s a long one.
In the meantime, turn off the news (it’s pretty toxic and meandering right now) and surround yourself with love and joy the last few weeks of the year. If you feel like acting, consider supporting or learning more about the following national organizations doing fantastic work:
**Note: I’ll be on holiday with my circus of seven from December 20th through January 3rd. During this time, I will not be publishing the Newsletter.